My attempt to convey the insight Ive gained in the past 30 times, has proven to be more challenging than initially anticipated. It wasnt plainly such matters of scheduling a series of learning, but prioritising and selecting the most critical ones, that have left a long-lasting imprint on me and have shaped my persona in the way people and I recognise it today.
Earlier this year, I visited the biggest mosaic museum in the world “ve called the” Zeugma museum in Gaziantep, Turkey. I remember that day, when I careened amid the ancient devastates gloriously erected, I almost felt like hurtling back in time. Every mosaic told a storey; every coloured stone represents an assembly, which when assembled, recreated a whole era.
As I was approaching 30, a cascade of questions and rebuttals was prompted in my brain. What have I learned in the past 30 times? Have I learned anything at all? I manifested, dug up interred remembrances, relived vivid keepsakes, in an attempt to recreate the mosaic of my own life.
1. Everything is transient .
Like most people, I grew up believing in infinity. Eternal life, everlasting desire, and everlasting gaiety are some of the eternals I aspired to reach. Whether instigated by religion or panic, immortality is a superstition, a specter we privately nourish in the shadows of our thoughts, hoping itll become real one day. This is what my recur losses obliged me realise. All “peoples lives” contests were like movements upon which I channel-surf, for only a little while. They all smack my inner shores one day, and disappeared in the sand of my remembrances. Some thoughts stayed, yes, but they were never the same again. Everything is fleeting. Dont you think?
2. The grass isnt greener on the other side .
We expend a lot of our times wishing to have what we dont have. If we have a garden, marriage wish for a forest, and we have a forest, united are hoping for a jungle, and if we have a jungle, well, united are hoping for a garden-variety. We think that other people lives are better. We consider their moon is always full and their hotshots are always brighter. I myself, was not immune to such a demeanor. But oh how unfounded “weve been”! Dont we know that we all have a burden to carry, that we all are soldiers of life pushing a battle no one knows of? I learned to spend time watering my inner garden and sowing my own seeds. After all, our weeds are all susceptible to droughts and worms , no matter in which district they change. Grass is grass.
3. The pride is a weapon of mass destruction .
I grew up in a culture that forever tries to prove itself. Trapped in a struggle between conservatism and liberalism, we perpetually attempt to find an identity that defines us, and reclaim the lost fragments of ourselves scattered between the East and the West. This might be more pronounced in my culture than in others, but I dare say its not uncommon to anyone. Dont we all try to prove ourselves in many ways? Dont we all want to prove we exist? This is called self-love. A predominating superpower that reflects our desire to impose, defeat, overtake, and acquire. I myself, fell prey to my ego many times. Pride, arrogance, and assertion are all evidences of a enlarged I and major hurdles to attaining ones full capability. Our pride destroys us, destroys others, and dazzles us. I learned to be more humble, more caring, to endanger, and to forgive. In short, I learned to see more with my soul for it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
4. Kindness is a artillery of mass structure .
Can we all recall a hour when weve been brutalized? It happens nearly anywhere: at work, at home, on the street, and in our social haloes. Doesnt it? Mistreatment is a form of violence that fuels the demons of reprisal lying inactive beneath our self-love. Our reactions often bring up similar levels of fury, corruption, and harshness. Ive said and done a few hours, until I finally learned to do the opposite more often. Being genu amongst the wolves is neither cowardice nor weakness, as our pride falsely indicates. Kindness is a weapon of mass construction, the eventual showing of maturity and prudence. It rebuilds the dismantled sections of desire, reinstates ones glory, and soothes even the most agonizing emotional wraps. Coming to think about it, kindness has always been rewarding to me and has always done me right. So no matter how strong the advocate to injure or destroy the other are likely to be, I learned to let kindness dominate, because its only then that I am a winner.
5. Finding a lifetime marriage is not a pre-requisite for gaiety .
We live in a macrocosm where spotting our significant other is perceived as a requisite, an ultimate goal in itself. Most of us realise the eternal concert and its traditional movements sung all around us: noting the( claim) one, getting married, and having children. While to some this is a secret recipe for merriment, to me its announced racket, an vexing resonance in the background. I learned how to ignore it. In detail, I realised that I gratified many ones, and I believe they were all right. Just because they didnt stay, doesnt mean they were wrong. Over age, I learned to compose my own sonata and composed different moves. I called them self-sufficiency, freedom, discretion, and freedom. I am all these four. I am grounded. I am proud.
6. Happiness conceals in small things .
When I was younger, I generated an image of myself at the age of 30 which is today a black and white illustration resting in the book of my reminiscence. I stopped it there purposefully to remind me of how far I was from reality. All the high expectations and hopes I had for what a joyous life consider this to be is just an misconception. In that photo, I was posing with a partner and three children, all of whom I havent satisfied hitherto. “Peoples lives” today is all but conventional. It doesnt meet our societys minimum standards of a joyous life. But oh how rich I am! How free and luck I am to experience escapades out of the everyday and instants of infinite pleasure! I felt delight in small things: in the areas of coffee shops, in one course of a notebook, in greeting a homeless, in exchanging a smile with a stranger, in wandering in a very old palace. We dont need to follow the norms. We dont need be conventional. Seem around! Happiness conceals in small things.
7. Everything is poisonous , “theres nothing” poisonous, everything all a matter of dose .
This learning goes back to my chemistry class in academy. I didnt know back then that its a logic I should apply in all aspects of my life. It is announced moderation, an essential ingredient for my equilibrium. Moderation in love, in fun, in desires, brings inner serenity even to the most stormy souls. It has kept me solidly sanded and stable. I notice that the majority of beings struggle to maintain a balance and are more inclined towards extreme opposing spars. They either have an overdose of everything or choice never to savor anything. This is perhaps why my speed can hardly be synchronised with the majority of members. My sorenes doesnt come from “what theyre saying” or do, but how often they say what they say or do what the hell is do. Too much enjoy can suffocate, while too little desire can lead to famine. I learned to love just enough, have fun just enough, shout just enough, and be just enough.
8. Patience is a dignity .
I am an impatient party. I live more in the future than the current. My resource is always racing with duration. I coat pictures of the flowers thatll grow next spring. I find waiting to be very hard. I never got used to its bitterness. I remember waiting is perhaps the heaviest burden accept by the being. Yet, waiting is inevitable. Looking back at my life, I realise that all the good circumstances that happened to me realise the brightnes after long periods of waiting. It is true these periods were intercepted with bouts of agitation, but they were developed, determined, and polished by perseverance. The questions that once crucified me about passion, relationship, business, self-worth and others, all saw their rebuttals in my perseverance. It might be true after all that good things come to those who wait.
9. Good quality rapports topic .
This might be a bit technical but contemplates have shown that good quality affairs are associated with better health outcomes, and it is not only physical health. Loneliness for instance increases the risk of sadnes and is associated with a lower life expectancy. The conclusions by the Harvard Study of Adult Development recently presented on TEDx established an ancient wisdom we are all familiar with. The study watched the lives of people for over 75 years and concluded that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. I learned to nurture such relationships I have, to protect and safeguard them. I still hate the abundance of beings in “peoples lives”. I dont have neither day , nor energy , nor the appetite to collect friends and relationships. I am just happy and grateful with the few ones I have.
10. We accept the love we think we deserve .
Or so Ive heard for years and times without knowing what this intends exactly. Ive abode mistreatments many times. I moan as a result of it many times. Yet Ive represented the same options time and again. Why do we re-engage, over and over, in ordeals that once constructed us tolerate? Today the answer comes as clearly as ever: because we dont believed to be deserve better. Over occasion, I learned to appreciate myself, price myself, respect myself, enjoy myself, and its only then, only when I saw how worthwhile I am, that my choices grew rightful, healthier, nurturing, and fertilizing. I do deserve a good life. So do you. I do deserve to be loved. So do you. I do deserve to be treated well. So do you. Today, I will never abide anything less. And so you will.
11. Reading is an antidote to mediocrity .
Perhaps this is why our world is mediocre. I was oblivious to the supernatural effects of works for years and times until I had my own room. I dashed into the occult macrocosm of notebooks and enjoyed swimming in an ocean make use of ink with movements make use of thinkings. Every time I open a work, I feel like filching a screen off of my soul. And each time I close a journal, I realise that I am one step closer to myself. I learned that speaking medications loneliness, reactions our most complex questions, transcends distance and season, and is united with humanity, record, opening, and the future.
12. Most parties are ravenous for love .
Have you ever been verbally or emotionally abused? Well, I have. Although my mettle has never become immune to negativity, injurious usage, unkindness, and cruel practice, Ive learned something that eventually changed my perception towards such utterly common behaviours. I believe that behind every negative comment, every wounding statement, every insensitive gesticulate, there is a person that hasnt been cherished enough. What a pity! How many beings implore to be loved yet never acknowledge so! The paucity of ardour must have created a tremendous distressing space in the spirit. I believe we all have a bird inside us. When adored enough, the fowl flaps its backstages and hover. And when not, it applies its nose to destroy. What I learned, is to always do my best to cherish that bird.
13. Silence is healing .
Perhaps this is why our world is so ill. My culture cherishes noise. Laughs are thunderous, accosts are raucous, departings are raucous, everything howling. There is surely a reason why most people secrete behind the interference. Do we know what it is? I think to avoid stillnes. In stillnes, people are able to hear themselves and theyre all too often scared to listen. Silence is like a stream of fresh water running inside the being, and crowding the crackings created by noise with a soothing tranquility. Silence heals, clears up flusters, rectifies racisms, brushings off the residues of confusion, and raises beings closer to each other. I learned to listen to the voice of stillnes. Silence is a storey teller, a counsellor, and a friend.
14. Between love and dislike, indifference is the worst .
There is nothing worse than being stuck in a state of nothingness. A commonwealth where you feel neither hot nor cold, neither aroused nor tired, neither interested nor carried, neither happy nor heartbreaking, neither calm nor angry. You swim in a vacuum that is full of oxygen yet void of life, full of opening, hitherto void of freedom, full of stillnes, hitherto void of agreement. Do we prevail exactly because the matter making our form is alive? Or does existence be extended beyond the matter, beyond survival, to where the someone shakes, sings, passions and dislikes all at the same experience? I prevail when I cherish, when I detest. I exist because I feel. Indifference is death.
15. Sometimes a enterprise is just a place .
Many of us work in positions they dont like. We vest a great deal of our times, mental, intellectual and psychological vigour in the workplace. We project our whole being and get paid for it at the end of the month. At wield we cherish, we jealousy, we try scrutiny, we screech, we agonise, we bare encumbrances, because we are all humans no matter where we are. Nonetheless, we often fail to recognise that we all have capabilities beyond the labor we do, the job we play, and the payment we get. A task is just a errand. We are much more than that. Most people speculate I can change the world because Im a humanitarian worker. They dont know that Ive changed the world much more outside my job: at home, on the phone, in a pub, in be faced exchanges, in coffee breaks, in my dreams. My profession is just a job and I am much more than that.
16. Its never too late to change their own lives footpath .
The conviction that our life direction is like a ladder we need to climb takes a very linear approach to life, a course that takes you from A to B in a straight line. The reality nonetheless is very different. Numerous routes intersect, deflect, elongate, and even flinch to roughly just a item. This is how my life has been so far. A complicated geometry with multiple basic starting point, dissolves, latitudes, and spiralings. As Im moving forward, unwrapping my inner talents and warming up in my ardour kindles, Im discovering who I actually am and what I truly require. I now know that if I wake up one day and decide to quit, I will quit. Its never too late to shift, never too late to change guidances. I will still be following a line, a line that my soul will draw, and I know, deep inside, that the matter is boundary will not be linear.
17. Every reality is wrong, every reality is right .
People are a combination of rainbows and water. An hodgepodge of mellowed emblazons that goes either diluted or saturated with evaluates, opinions, sensings, and attitudes, throughout the course of their lives. This eclectic nature of being provokes multiple worlds that are reliably praised by its founders, by us. All people have actualities that look right to them but incorrect to others, acceptable to them but dejected by others. Ive questioned myself: what stimulates one more right than the other? What absolute truth is there when all truths hold true to one person at the least? I learned that everything can be right and everything can be wrong. It all depends on whos judging.
18. Predicts are easier violated than fulfilled .
I learned to promise good-for-nothing to no one. For why would I commit to a future that falls completely outside of my restrain? We often underestimate the dominance of words said today not realising that theyll carry a big responsibility tomorrow. We like to play tricks with the future by suspecting it, fantasising about it, creating and re-creating the end decisions. And then what happens when its there? Welcome to the land of disappointments! Our promises are terms that time randomly and playfully rearranges until a whole new section is worded, a whole new signify is grasped and the promise is completely broken.
19. We are more fragile than we belief .
There are moments in life when everything seems to be just fine, when such forces of sort seem to be directed towards the center maintaining checks and balances, an equilibrium. Then all of a sudden, out of the tender placidity of our being, rises a turbulent whirlwind: break ups, divorces, extinctions, abandonments, chagrins Moods start to swing, supposes raze, principles collapse, promises disintegrate, adulteries start, and we lose balance. The self-portrait we formerly covered that indicated an invincible persona, suddenly loses these extremely traits amid the transformation of our life happens. We then recollect how fragile “weve been”. We recollect how delicate orchids is also possible. We remember that we are breakable. We remember, the unbearable lightness of( our) being.
20. Principles should only be forged with ordeal .
I learned to never bind myself to a principle against which I havent experimented my temptations yet. This realisation came after I separated many principles I formerly concluded are unshakable. Ive learned to destroy and rebuild my principles with know. With time, I learned to calibrate the appropriate levels of right and wrong, the ones that I adjudicate as acceptable to me. I forged new ways of guessing. I characterized my evaluates. And its only then, that I was able to enunciate what my principles are.
21. A little bit of chaos is vital .
I come from a culture adorned by chaos. Even our lives are tumultuous and lack rhythm. You can quarrel its pollution; I think its fear. Two years ago, I assembled a culture that loves subject. Everything is very nifty and straighten: wall street, the human behaviours, and of course The System. Having suffered the sides of the discipline silver, I came to the conclusion that a little of chaos is required. It boosts clevernes, renders abundant opening for beings to thoughts, to act differently, to be submitted with different solutions. Tough rulers, systemisation, policies, and automation are the enemies of invention. Chaos is a badge of life. You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing stellar. Now I know why each time I look at the sky, all I learn are shooting stars.
22. Magic is jolly .
Do you feel at times that our universe speaks to us in a mysterious system that we are unable to see into a clearly defined usage? The more time pass, the more I find myself looking at “the worlds” with homage and awe. How small-time we are in this infinite nature! Were finite entities in an infinite world-wide! Its true-life that we reached a decent tier of understanding in cosmology, physics, maths, and biology, yet there are so many things we still dont know. Our world is prodigious! What about the ideas of fate, serendipity, meaningful coincidences, synchronicities? My life has been full of such strange happenings. I believe in supernatural. I believe sorcery is real.
23. If it doesnt feel right, then its not right .
Sometimes we decide to take a step in “peoples lives”. We decide to just go for it, because everything around us tells us its right. We believe and rethink about the whole scenario, analyse it, connects the causes to the effects, and hitherto , no matter how coherent and logical all the data has appeared to be, something( inexplicable) leaves us worried and iffy. Does it voice familiar? Well, it is definitely to me! I would describe this something as a tickle in my nerve, a bit tremor in my licks out of the ordinary. And I feel it , no matter how low-grade the frequency is. I learned to trust my hunch and listen more to my inner voice. I learned that its the one that tells the truth.
24. Sometimes, by walking away you move forward .
Throughout my walk of life, there were times when I stopped for a( long) while and allowed my soul to land, overpower harder, and get attached. Get attached to what? To people, objects, plazas, solace zones And then I got stuck. “Thats what” affections do, dont you think? They mess with epoch and infinite aspects, disorient us, and leave us lost in a curve dancing tango alone! Sometimes, its only by walking away that it is possible to re-established our cavity and era arranges. It takes time, mettle, and a strong will to let go, but eventually, the evidence must go on.
25. Art is a language we should discover .
It took me time to understand its own language of skill. Just like stillnes, artwork has a healing power. Painting, print, dancing, sculpting, all pronounce a similar conversation: its own language of knockout, spirituality, and life. Museums to me are like sacred temples. Consecrated are all the pious who bow with admiration to the grace of skill! Tell us stand still and marvel at the secrets of a decorate! Give us permit the silence in qualities brush off the noises inside our managers! A nature without skill is like a desert without sand: lonely and imperfect. So make us rejoice!
26. It is how it is .
Why do you think the sky is blue? Why the emblazon had not yet been fragrance? Why the voices cannot be seen? Well, because it is how it is. How often do we find ourselves lost in the maze of life contests , not knowing the how and why, the cause and the effect? We discover people expire every day for no self-evident intellect. We appreciate people break up, marry, moan, chortle, autumn, stand up and we just dont know how and why. As epoch is moving forward, we accept to live with this mystery. We accept that some questions have no answers. In point, we accept silence to be our only response. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and this is all we need to know.
27. You dont need a lot of money to be happy .
In case we havent discovered yet, “were all” slaves of consumerism. Money obliging remains climbing the ladder of our priorities , not so much better by willingness as by sheer demand. I declare we do need some fund to live a decent life where our rents are treated, our invoices are paid, our nutrient is provisioned, or even our trips plans are fastened. But when I look around me and to continue efforts to make sense of the unhappiness I see in publics sees, I ensure thoughts like low-grade self-worth, dread of friendship, an advise to be understood, a need to be loved, a demand to be recognised, a dismay with the current, a shyness to show the real soul, a are looking forward to bail with the other Theyre all things that cant be bought by fund yet are all needed to be happy.
28. What you balk perseveres .
Sometimes, when our emotional buttons are pushed as a result of say, death of a closed one, rejection by a partner, or a tough speech, we either deny or confront those extremely fierce and acidic looks frothing inside us. But dont you feel its sometimes bigger than you? Dont you feel that no matter how hard you try to eliminate that bitterness, the after flavour stands long after the accident? I learned to neither disclaim nor confront, but to hug. I learned to embrace my sadness and abide it, until sadness itself evaporates in the warmth of the embracing, and eventually, evaporates.
29. We are good by nature but demoralized by society .
This is a philosophy by J.J. Rousseau that dates back to the 18 th century. I am a protagonist of it. I guess people are born good, until they grow layer producers. What a pose “were living in”! Parties have become too busy house and exaggerating their coatings: strata of dominance, anxiety, hesitation, you call it. Its a world-wide of bogus smiles rather than sincere rends. A nature where accolade is articulated in the most polite and formal style, rather than through attentions sparkling with approbation. People learned how to breathe behind concealments. I learned that the world around me is not real.
30. My 30 lessons are all but static .
I am a bud that droops in the wind, blushes in the sun, obscures in the snowfall, expires in the wilderness. “Peoples lives” has been a cycle of seasons that comes and departs, every now and then. If this holds true, then how can I not change, change, mutate, breakdown, get reinstated, nearly repeatedly? If the universe itself is dynamic, infinitely expanding and contracting, then how can I not dance with it? How can I take everything I shared with you as static? My 30 readings are all but static. They will change, change, mutate, breakdown, get rebuilt, almost repeatedly. Earlier this year, I visited the most difficult mosaic museum in the world. Now I remember that the mosaics I liked “the worlds largest”, are the ones that have been partly obliterated, the ones whose colourings were partially reformed. Theyre the ones that have birthed the marks of occasion. Now I know that in another 30 times, this is exactly how my mosaic is likely to be.