Lisa Jones, girlfriend of undercover policeman Mark Kennedy: aEUR~ I recollected I knew him better than anyoneaEUR( tm)

She thought they were a normal duo until she found a passport in a glovebox and then her world shattered. Now she is finally going compensation and a police justification for that surreal, state-sponsored cheat. But she still lies awake and amazes: did he ever really affection me?

The most traumatising meter of Lisa Joness life began when she agonised for months over the true identity of her lover. They had been together for six years old and she desired him wholly, absolutely, more than anyone.

He was the most significant being in the world to me, she says. The person who knew me better than anybody else. I recollected I knew him better than anyone else knew him. But she had begun to suspect that he was lying about who he actually was.

This is the first interview Lisa, who wants to retain her anonymity, has given to the media. Merely now, 5 years later, does she seem ready to describe how she has been devastated by the subterfuge. She speaks eloquently, though the pain is still obviou. Her boyfriend, Mark, always had a somewhat strange back to him. In their last few months together his practice was, now and then, erratic; but at other occasions, their relationship was blissful.

In what she describes as a constant see-saw from one commonwealth to another, she oscillated between desperately, desperately wanting to believe the narration he had told her about himself, and wondering whether he had absolutely betrayed her about a fundamental part of his life.

Reduced to a extremely fragile country, she struggled with her predicament: Am I opposing to save this relationship or am I trying to figure out who he is? I am either putting my forces into this relationship or I am probing him I cant do both.

The truth was not disclosed to her by him. Instead she and her friends found out through their own detective work and a chance discovery.

Assistant commissioner Martin Hewitt apologises for undercover policemen relationships

They is proved that he was Mark Kennedy, an undercover polouse who had been sent to spy on her circle of activist pals. For seven years, he had adopted a phony persona to infiltrate environmental groups. Their unmask of him five years ago kickstarted a chain of events that has uncovered one of the states most deeply secreted secrets.

Back then, the public knew little about a covert operation that had been running since 1968. Simply a limited number of elderly police officer know exactly why it. Kennedy was one of more than 100 undercover officers who, over the previous four decades, had changed themselves into imitation campaigners for years at a time, adapting themselves into political groups and hoovering up informed of rallies that they had helped to organise.

More than 10 ladies have discovered that they had its relation with undercover policemen, some persistent years, without being told their true identity.

On Friday it was announced that police had agreed to give a full apology and pay compensation to Lisa and six other women for the damage they suffered after being cheated into organizing intimate relationships with police spies.

Lisa, for her division, greeted the defense. But it comes more than a decade after Kennedys mission embarked. No amount of money or sorry will make up for the lack of answers about the fullest extent to which I was spied upon in all the aspects of my most personal and intimate moments, she says.

Kennedy first infiltrated a group of environmental campaigners in Nottingham in 2003. The forgery persona he chose is the question of a long-haired, tattooed professional climber by the refer of Mark Stone. Among activists, he payed the nickname Flash as he always seemed to have a lot of money.

In the autumn of 2003, Lisa gratified Kennedy when he visited Leeds, where she was living. Then in her early 30 s, she had for some years has participated in environmental, anti-capitalist, and anti-nuclear expeditions. Her first impressions were that he was very charming, very friendly and familiar in a way that was quite disarming.

Mark Kennedy at Glastonbury festival in 2008, in a slide taken by Lisa Jones

Kennedy had a number of sexual relationships while undercover. The longest was with Lisa. During his deployment, he spent more period with me than anybody else, and likely more period than everybody else together, she says. He slotted quite easily into her group of friends, who proceeded climbing in their spare time. He got to know her family. When her father croaked, Kennedy was in the mourners vehicle with her. He was the one who harboured me as I cried through the darknes, and facilitated me pick myself up again after that, Lisa says.

He would go away every few weeks the longest time was three months wreaking, but kept in regular contact through telephone call, emails and textbooks. They ran abroad together, sometimes precisely the two of them, cycling or climbing, and sometimes for affirms. Over hour, he gained a honour as a committed environmental activist. But privately, he was passing back to his police handlers information about the objectors and their political activities.

His covert assignment was discontinued in October 2009 when he was summon by his handlers to a see at an anonymous truckstop. That month, he disappeared unexpectedly from his home in Nottingham. In the weeks before his departure, he had been agitated and distant with his sidekicks. Lisa recalls: He had quite an psychological accident, it seems. Some epoches he would not get out of bottom that was very, extremely out of character. He was generally fairly brilliant and chirpy, an early riser type, an energetic person, but he was upset quite a lot of the time. I would comfort him. It truly felt to me that I was recognizing him through a difficult time, and a breakdown. He leant on me very heavily.

He appeared to be very paranoid. The police had raided his home after he was arrested at a objection, and he said he was worried the latter are delving into his background and income. He said he necessitated a terminate and was going to go to the US to stay with two brothers for a while. Lisa is indicated that the day before he flew, he was behaving exceedingly, very strangely, claiming that he was being followed.

When he went, I was genuinely, so worried about his sanity. I thought he had properly lost your mind. I stopped saying to him that this ogles to me as if you are not coming back here. He had sold his auto, apparently left his position and half-cleared out his home. The other half I had to do.

In January 2010, he mysteriously reappeared. What Lisa and the other activists did not know at that time was that Kennedy was quitting the police to avoid being assigned to a humdrum table chore. But he had not dumped his fictional persona of Mark Stone, and continued to be involved in political campaigns. He has admitted that he was employed by a undercover private defence house that was paid by commercial firms to monitor protesters.

To Lisa, nonetheless, he was different, volatile, up and down a lot of the time. Obviously he was being much less administered, much less led, and I exactly dont think he knew what he was doing at that time. He was rudderless. I was still so bruised from him losing his marbles and vanishing that I was in some ways waiting for an explanation, somehow trying to figure out “whats going on” with him, and whether he was alright.

I always knew that Mark had a slight breeze of mystery. I knew there was something that one day he might open up about something that had happened.

The key discovery that eventually led to Kennedys exposure was made by Lisa when the two of them were on holiday in a van in July 2010.

Kennedy on holiday in Italy in 2010

We were having this really blissful vacation in Italy. We were up in the mountains, only the two of us. He had gone off for a cycles/second move, and I was gazing in the glove chest for some sunglasses. I guess that there was maybe a bit of me that was a little unsure about “whats going on” with him. I was springing around and I attended his passport.

The age-old passport was in the unfamiliar appoint of Mark Kennedy. But there was something even more chilling in there: The stuff that formed my stomach come into my opening was seeing that he had a child. The attribute of Mark Stone wasnt one that would have had a child. Thats such a big happening to have happened, and be interested to learn person that long and have them not mention the fact that they had a child, thats enormous.

She found a mobile phone that he did not seem to use much, and spotted emails from two children, announcing him pa. I did not know what to think. I remember feeling that “the worlds” was unexpectedly a really long way away. I simply remember that the mountains were pulsating and swimming around me.

It was the first time she considered that he might be an undercover officer, but swiftly dismissed it as something she concluded only existed in films. When Kennedy came back from his cycle travel, I actually did not know what to say to him. I was startled about what the answer would be, and what it would entail. I precisely did not say anything for about 2 day. He knew there was something wrong. He was trying to be very nice to me and figure out what was upsetting me. I did not sleep. He slept and I paced. I remember watching the sunrise and being sick.

She tackled him in a rail on what was his real birthday. She demanded to know about his son. He visibly crumpled. He said, I can tell you, but not here, and we went off.

Back in their van, he recounted a floor it seems he had tucked away for years, to be used if his fictional persona was ever objection. He said he had been a drug athlete, that his close associate had been shot in front of him, and that he had promised to look after the dead mans children, who had come to think Kennedy was their real father.

I was hopeless for an explanation that announced conceivable. Fantastical as it now seems in the retelling, one of the reasons it seemed conceivable was the amount of emotion that moved out of him when he told me, Lisa says. It seemed as if he had finally opened up, after all the indicates of a dodgy past.

I deemed him as he exclaimed for about eight hours, through the night. We sat up and talked. He hollered and I exclaimed. It felt like we had really shared something, so I genuinely did not analyse the facts at that point particularly strongly.

But for the rest of the summer, she had nagging thoughts that his storey did not add together. She defied him but he always had an answer. She swayed between speculating their relationship was better than ever, and thinking something still is not right.

In September, they had another joyous holiday in Italy. I was floating on air where reference is came back. A week subsequently, she was inspecting a sidekick who was, by chance, doing pedigree study online. She did not know what came over her, but she asked my best friend to look up Mark Stones birth credential. Nothing came back.

With her friends promotion, she started to dig into his life. She still could not believe he was a polouse, think: He has been with me for so long theres utterly no way they would put a cop in for that long.

She hankered to find some brand-new piece of information that would provide an explanation and clear her thoughts about him. For a few weeks, she went about their own lives, talking regularly on the phone to Kennedy but detecting she was in this little bubble where nothing was real. Eventually they discovered a birth certificate for Kennedys son, which entered Kennedys occupation as being a police officer.

Now she missed him to excuse. He was pretending to be in the US, but she had found out that he was actually in Ireland with his children and estranged bride. At her insisting, he returned late one nighttime to a house in Nottingham, where she and a group of friends began to question him.

For what felt like hours, he refused to admit anything. Then one of the group asked him immediately when he had assembled the police. He acknowledged, and later announced. The others left Lisa alone with him. She was offended. I missed him to abide. I knew that the moment “hed left”, countries around the world was going to change. I was just trying to delay the moment.

Mark Kennedy in 2011, after he had left the police force. Picture: Philipp Ebeling for the Guardian

Kennedy went on to sell his narration to the media and to work for a US security firm after he was uncovered in October 2010. Lisa set about trying to threw her life back together. Her ordeal with Kennedy manufactured her feel very small, but the other women in the action at law have been a important generator of support.

Lisa, who comes across as warm-hearted and intelligent, rebuffs promptings that she could have unmasked Kennedy earlier or that his hypocrisy was no different from those of many other cheating husbands.

The difference, she says, is that his ruse was supported by the resources of the state. Undercover officers who infiltrated political groups were issued with phony records, such as passports, driving licences and bank registers that would help to buttress their made alter ego. I had no chance of ascertaining through that kind of training and infrastructure.

But he was rumbled, she points out, after he quitted law enforcement agencies and no longer had their assist. He had had to hand back the paperwork including the passport enduring his imitation identity of Mark Stone.

Lisa has find it difficult to come to periods with the feeling that she had no free will during its relations with Kennedy. A faceless backroom of police held his moves, deciding when he could go away with her, or which performances they could go on. I exactly have this feeling that someone else made all the decisions, and it was not me, and it was not even him.

A series of discoveries has urged the minister of the interior Theresa May to order a public inquiry into the conduct of the police snoops. This investigation could reveal much more of the polices secrets when it starts to hear evidence in public next year. It is expected to examine how, for example, the undercover men spied on the family of murdered teenager Stephen Lawrence and stole the identities of dead children.

Lisa does not want to pin too much hope on the investigations uncovering the truth of Kennedys espionage and his relationship with her. There are so many more themes than answers in this whole event that I dont believe I am ever going to be in a position where I feel like I know what went on and what it all signify, and that theres nothing more to wonder about.

She requests herself how often he genuinely cherished her. It is an endless, endless question that I will always be wondering about. That they are able to ever obstruct me awake at night.

She has been left with a suppres frustration and sadness, help feeling that her they are able to trust others and shape affairs has been shattered. I have lost a lot of optimism about all kinds of things, she says. Just the idea that the world is a good residence, that cherish prevails, that desire is possible for me.

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