Ben and Lauren are back, ending well, shit, since project proposals already happened, might as well get married. Satisfy be kept in mind that they agreed last week to get married on national television, for love, NOT FOR MONEY, OKAY ?!
producer is overwhelming them with hopes, because like, thats what she does, she fucking renders shit. They act like this is unheard of.
They decide they need to get out of here and Lauren recommends doing the whitest concept possibleaerial yoga. Whats next, gonna take Ben to a fucking juice prohibit?
Ben wears hot pink spandex and dangles from the fucking ceiling, becoming every gay viewer’s soggy dreaming come true.
BEN: The best part of being engaged is that you dont have to try and be cool anymore, like, shes already settled.
Bens like its important to do stuffs that are different- he acts like they are fucking base startle instead of just doing yoga at a studio in Denver. Jesus Christ.
Ben determined to take her camping, because isnt that just every girls fucking dreaming when shes stressed out? To go to a region with no fucking toilets?
Ben picks up Chris Soules and Lauren goes with the twins, Emily and Heather. This is a fucking crew. I give them a combined tally of 3 on.
THE Twin: I f I have to look at a fucking leaf I will vomit
Chris talks about like my grandpa talks about his childhoodback in my epoch I camped with 6 other women and we had to walk 10 miles in the snowfall, uphill, to get to school.
The twins are trying to gangbang Chris, fucking gross. Those three together contributes up to an IQ of 30. Meanwhile Ben and Lauren prove to know a lot about each other 😛 TAGEND BEN : LAUREN IS GOING TO LOVE THE WOODS
LAUREN: kill me
Lauren is outdoorsy in the sense that she like, owns a Northface casing. Shes not some Bear Grylls shit.
Lauren and the twins support their sigh through a tunnel and yes I detest myself for having to write that sentence perhaps as much as you detest yourself for having to read it.
Ben tells Chris that they invited Chad because Lauren thinks he might be a good person. Yeah, well sometimes I see I should do crystal meth but then I see, hmm, better not.
If I were to take a shot for every time the twins howled over a fucking fault, I would be going my goddam stomach gushed. Seriously, Emily? Its a pilot! What, have you never been outside before?
Ben learns Lauren how to fish, which is about as equally thrilling as watching decorate dehydrate or grass proliferate. So far, snoozefest. We all know Chad is coming soon, give the people what the hell is require !!
Lace and Grant show up, because why the fucking not, and theyre like could you suppose if Chad testified up ?!?! LOL what are the peculiars, right ?! I make, haha, a reality appearance would never throw us in an clumsy statu like that !!!
Lauren didnt recognise Lace/ Grant were going to come and now shes like “WE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.” MMMM yeah, ya see? They decide that theyll tell Lace and Grant subsequently about their worst opponent coming to sleep in the wilderness.
The girls cant build a tent and the sons go to make a fire, merely to find out they forgot competitors. Fucking schmucks. They look at Grant and hes like bro, Im a firefighter. Like this is the exact opposite of what I do.
The boys and girls switch and Lace is like LOL 420 inferno it, I have a lighter. Wow! Such enormous humor on this appearance! Impart them the comedy Emmy, goddammit!
Ben tells Lace that he invited Chad and shes like “what the running fucking? ” She tells Ben that eggshell try and be nice, but there is like a 0% guarantee that will happen.
Lace tells Lauren and Ben how Chad extended and hooked up with Grant and Robbys ex and finally Ben and Lauren are like, “huh, perhaps Chad actually has all these opponents for a ground? Who knew! “
Laurens like what better place to have a rehabilitation hearing than a campfire? Hmmm, I dont know, a healers power? I feel like thats a better place.
Lace is teaching Emily how to pee-pee in the fucking lumbers. At what place does this become your lifepopping a hunker in the lumbers on Tv. The twins parents must be so proud.
LACE: Wow, youre truly doin it. Youre shittin the street.
They determine a birth and Ben starts freaking the fuck out. He truly has the weirdest boner rn for this woodland creature.
The twins are like “I LOVE BEARS I JUST WANT THEM TO EAT ME NOM NOM NOM.”
Bens drunk and chasing after accepts, aka me AF. Hes like running into the lumbers hollering while Lauren low-key am willing to murder him.
BEN : WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN !?
LAUREN: Have you ever seen?
Ben is like “IM A BOY IM IRRESPONSIBLE.” He tells Lauren not to worry about him because gentleman. We souls, we crush. Goes fishing one time, thinks hes the poster infant of masculinity.
Grant and the boys start clean and put under the fire, while the three lily-white, blonde girls rap. Seriously, whats with the rapping on this appearance? It has got to stop, I beg of you. #StopWhitePeople
The team moves white water rafting while the twins break out into a remix of Row Your Boat. What is this? The short bus glee club? Fucking stop.
Im officially drunk. Which is 80 x more thrilling than any of this shit.
Chris travels at the figurehead of the boat, which does not ogle safe but hes like, “ah fuck it.” All he has is his farm in Idaho, so he truly has nothing to live for anymore.
CHRIS: this sucks, there were no traumata. Everyone lived. 1/5 on Yelp.
Lace is already crying and Chad hasnt even shown up. Ah Lace, you were not missed.
Lace is like “I HATE HIM I Care HE DIDNT EXIST .: Lace is every older sister talking to a younger sibling.
LACE : I detest you and I wish you were never born !!!!
At that moment, Chad shows up out of the fucking darkness, like a fucking axe murderer, whistling. Hes like “HEY EVERYONE” and literally everyone is silent, minus Lace, who is crying.
Chad starts jostle his face with a marshmallow because good-for-nothing does him hungrier than having to maybe apologize. Look, he came for the campfire ballads , not a fucking sob-fest.
CHAD : Yall gonna keep crying, or.can we devour smores? Lauren takes one out of every Trump boosters journal and tries to justify his overall shitty actions.
LAUREN : Sure, hes ruined peoples lives, threatened to kill people and tried to fight our friends but like, deep down he seems like a nice guy
Lauren is like I determine who “youve been” are. What are you? The douche whisperer? Lauren , now is not the time to give back to kindnes example Chad.
LAUREN : You arent that bad person off camera
CHAD: Well, actually.
Lace questions Chad why he is like this and he answers because he is trying to represent parties laugh. Which like, it low-key does so Ill give him that.
Chad is begging everyone to stop pointing out his flaws and just devour their fucking campfire snacks but they are only wont let it go.
Ben questions the cameras to be put down, LOL, good one, and channels the High Septonrepent Chad, relent !! Chad imparts an defense that is so half-assed, its actually impressive.
CHAD: If I like, considered my activities and how they represent parties experience, which I never do, sure, like I suspect Id be like, eh. Thats not cool. Sure. Whatever.
Grant is like If your mommy was here what the fuck is she see? And Chads like “OHHHH NOW YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT MOMMAS.” Which is kinda fucking crazy because Chads mom just died. Idk everything about such a situation is fucked up and does me unpleasant. G2g bye.
Lace is fucking roaring in a corner and Chad is like “I keep trying to apologize !!! ” This whole show has ended up mostly being anything about Ben and Lauren. So far, so good.
Chad reluctantly apologies and is like yeah worst camping journey ever and plunges the fuck out of there.
CHAD: This camping journey is horse shit! I didnt want salmon, I said it four times!
The camping journey ends and they show a video of the crew taking down the tents.in the same outfits they were wearing when they got there. Yeah, Im calling bullshit on this whole roughing it thing.
They all look like frameworks while camping whereas I look like a straight-up homeless person.
Lauren is like its absolutely delighted going away from distractions as Tv cameras follow them. Yup , good-for-nothing like a nice, peaceful world show.
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