There’s a type of person or persons constantly tries out a combination of varied yet lame hobbies in a journey to find something to change the sense of endless potential that succumbed long ago. For some reason, such beings are typically white-hot. I’m not sure what gleans them to some of the least cool recreations ever formed. It’s not like people of color couldn’t try this shit if they wanted to. But it is much more fun to sit back and watch as the paler members of the species attempt to convince themselves and everyone around them that they are enjoying themselves doing stupid shit like …
# 9. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro
Mount Kilimanjaro’s name might literally intend “White Mountain.” This would be totally appropriate, considering how bunch of white people troop to its numerous easily-hikeable courses and impressive-sounding figure each year. For them, summiting Kilimanjaro is an excuse to talk about training for months while only having to teach for weeks. It also offers the rare opportunity to use the word “summit” as a verb, as demonstrated in the previous sentence.
For real, though, it’s not as difficult as the terrifying name clears it seem. The most popular path up Kilimanjaro is derisively referred to as “the Coca-Cola route, ” on account of how it’s jam-packed with tourists and endowment shops the entire direction up. Yes, it’s a long march, one that takes around five days on average to accomplish, but there’s certainly none of that “stick a pickax in a jagged ridge and is hoped that the government props your body weight” substance that you visualize when you hear someone say they’re mountain climbing.
Oh, there’s likewise a path that lets people drive most of the behavior there. When they eventually leave their air-conditioned moving palace, the floor they tell their friends is officially ready to begin. There are a number of details they’ll be sure to leave out. First of all, Kilimanjaro rises at such an unbelievably gentle gradient that the key challenge is to walk slowly enough up to avoid going altitude sickness. One path steer described the tempo with people saying, “imagine an arthritic 90 -year-old walking downwards — that’s possibly too fast.”
Another detail white-hot “adventurers” will leave out of the story of their “Kilimanjaro journey” is the porters — or brown parties they pay to carry their shit for them while they focus on not strolling too fast.
Of course, climbing Kilimanjaro is not without its defies. As this site illustrates, figuring out how much to tip-off the guys who carry your bags and cook your meat can be extremely tricky.
# 8. Upcycling
Upcycling is when you take something old-time and useless and * gasp * grow it into something reasonably and helpful. For most of the world’s person, this is called being poor. It exists as “upcycling” for similar reasons ghetto tourism prevails. Eventually, rich white people get bored with doing rich white people shit and turn to “seeing how the other side lives” in the name of amusement. There’s nothing trendy about having to shovel through the scrap for a kitchen table. That sugared find you took home, fixed up, and threw on eBay could just as readily have ended up in the home of someone who needed a table but didn’t have the resources to swing by IKEA and pick one up. Poverty is not a hobby, and it’s certainly not a vacation. Stop considering it like one.
# 7. Glamping
“Imagine calling a remote island overlooking a tropical jungle in your 4-star treehouse nominated with the luxuries you would find at any high-end resort.” — Glamping.com
Well then you’re not fucking camping, okay? That’s a inn room that precisely happens to be located in a tree. For all you know, a tsunami set it up there. It was likely in a Marriott once. Person likely submerge in your glamping tree, you savage.
# 6. Home-Brewing Beer
Have you ever spoke The Jungle ? We have the Food and Drug Administration in this country for a reasonablenes. And recently, the main cause appears to be that we need protection from millions of lily-white men who think they can make amazing brew in absolutely non-sterile sets and with no knowledge of nutrient science.
True story: A few guys I know bought one of those shitty Brew Your Own Beer kits. The resulting brew was so revolting that it left all of them spraying pure liquid debris from both purposes for three days.
Another True Story: I have a friend who tried forming his own brew with the specific objectives of perhaps, perhaps, if everything went well, knock on wood, being able to sell it to local forbids so that he may one day, perhaps, God willing, leave his daylight place to become an independent brewer. A short while into this, he said to me,( and I repeat ), “My house smells like pussy.” This was not because his life had turned into a Budweiser commercial.
He hasn’t “was talkin about a” it since.
# 5. Whittling/ Woodworking
No matter how badass Ron Swanson made it seem, woodworking is not hot. Only Ron Swanson can make it chill, and you are not Ron Swanson. Period. You are just a lily-white guy making a birdhouse for his grandmother. One which she’ll likely precisely hang from a tree out of sheer politeness, like a mother who sets their child’s macaroni prowes on the fridge entrance. Hell, you could engrave an phenomenal eight-person dining table from a single cherry-red oak with a butter bayonet, and the most impressive event about “it wouldve been” if parties still liked you enough to eat dinner on it.
It’s not known if nonwhite people can stir whittling cool, because they cannot sit on their front porch with a bayonet in their hands without am concerned about being shot.