5 Bizarre Side Effects You’d Experience As A Time Traveler

In 2009, Stephen Hawking did a enjoyable little experiment to see if downward period travel is possible: He shed a party. Anyone could show up , no RSVP involved. There was only one catch, because Stephen Hawking is super fucking awesome: He sent out the invitations after the working party was over.

No one depicted up.

Many people have offered the purpose of explaining the no-shows: Time travel is impossible, you can’t travel back before your time machine was developed, or the travelers are protecting their history because they already know they never get. Or maybe the rationalization is a lot simpler: They know that time jaunt( both forward and backward) has some really weird, bullshit side effect. For instance …

# 5. Velocity-Based Time Travel Would Make You An Ruffling Asshole

The Theory:

This is probably the most familiar of all time-travel hypothesis. Impede running faster until you thump the future! Science so simple it are now working as a punk text, and our most advanced ideologies say it altogether wields. The faster “theres going”, the further into the future you’ll fly.

This isn’t exactly a bunch of hypothetical bullshit that fringe scientists throw around while high on mushrooms. We’ve already detected this happening in the real world. A lot. In 1971 Hafele and Keating did an experiment, and without getting too technical: They flew all over the Earth until duration traveling happened.

No, for real. They loaded an aircraft with atomic clocks and ran east until they got back to where they started. When they territory, the clocks at the sand basi were 60 nanoseconds faster than the ones on the plane. In other paroles, the clocks on the plane were effectively 60 nanoseconds into their future. Then they reset the whole thing and flew in the other direction. This time, the clocks property moving 270 nanoseconds onward of the ones on the ground. They’d been in existence for longer than the land-based clocks. What the what?

And now I have “Got The Time” by Anthrax stuck in my psyche .

This is because the clocks on region weren’t stationary; they were killing through cavity on the revolving surface of the Earth. The clock in the plane that was piloting west was effectively disappearing slower, so compared to them, everything on the Earth was slowing down. So that famed stage where Superman flies around the Earth and turns back epoch — that was only primarily stupid as fuck.

This type of time travel isn’t just understood; it’s in your pocket. Your phone is connected to GPS satellites that have to correct for occasion dilation. If they didn’t, your navigation arrangement would plan out your two-block expedition to Taco Bell as being five positions away and two miles underground.

Well, it kind of stinks like Taco Bell …

The Weird Effect:

Let’s expressed the view that we come up with a machine or vehicle that actually makes you circulate this method. We achieve quickens that jump not only 60 nanoseconds but 60 times . Depending on how quickly you’re move, the expedition won’t is felt that long to you. You spend a few minutes or a few cases hours chattering around the planet, and then thunder: the future !

Unfortunately for everyone else, you are now known worldwide as that douchey asshole who’s been running around nonstop for the past 60 times. Children will have never known a sky where you weren’t sounding around and clusterfucking a perfectly good sundown. Even if your trip has just taken place outside of the environment( which is very likely to, since the atmosphere tends to vaporize concepts that go really fast ), you’d be a news story for a few weeks, and then altogether forgotten until you return to Earth. Just expect Voyager 1 , which was launched in 1977 and then mostly forgotten about until it left the solar system 35 years later.

Fuck every last one of you .

Once you’ve gotten over the deaths of virtually everyone you’ve never known, you’ll requirement another time or two of academy to catch up on all of the advancements and world-changing report of the last half-century. You could easily have grandchildren who are older than you. And there is no going back. Travel into the future is a one-way trip.

# 4. Mass-Based Time Travel Is Already Happening To You

The Theory:

If you’ve witnessed the movie Interstellar , you get the gist of this theory. The closer “youre gonna have to” a large, dense object, the slower period elapses for you. And the committee is also makes uncontrollable catchphrases to explode out of Matthew McConaughey’s face.

Mass-based epoch movement has already been observed. Gravity Probe A loaded a microwave laser on a Scout rocket and burnt it 10,000 kilometers straight up, because sometimes science really is just loading up all the most awesome things we can think about and SHOOTING THEM INTO SPACE. That experiment confirmed that time does in fact move at a different proportion in lower gravity.

I gave my lunch in there to see how hour affects ham .

You can experience this time travel by getting close to a black hole, as long as you too experience being rent to smidgens by tidal powers. Suggestion: You won’t. Another method is tightening information so that it nearly collapses into a black hole but not quite. Professor J. Richard Gott calculated that if you use the mass of Jupiter and then somehow stand in the middle of that shit without being suppressed like a beer can on a fratboy’s forehead, you’ll wander into the future four times faster than people on Earth. Use twice the mass of the sunshine for a factor of five working. Weirdly, Saturn won’t do anything, because it’s a piece of shit.

The Weird Effect:

What if we improve a experience machine that could actually utilize this method of travelling? If we use the Jupiter example from above, that means we’re climbing inside of a machine that’s so dense it is feasible heave other planets out of arena. Getting anywhere close to Earth is a death sentence for everyone on the living planet. Want to passed 20 years into the future? That represents climbing in and only standing here for five. You might want to bringing a Nintendo DS or something to aid kill the wearines. Require to circulate faster than that? You’ll necessary more mass and more density, which signifies even more solar-system fuckery. You virtually become Chad Timefuck: Ruin Of Worlds.

Way to lead, asswipe. My billfold was down there .

But that doesn’t much thing, because the weirdest part of this theory is that it’s already happening to you right now. In information, it materializes everywhere , not just the supernatural scope of some strange black hole on the other side of the galaxy. The core of the Earth moves through time at a slower rate than the peoples of the territories stand in Detroit, although it is might not feel that route to people who actually lives there. When you’re standing up, your butthole ages slower than your face — as well it should. We don’t require a machine to travel through time. We simply need to be close to something enormous and dense. Like Matthew McConaughey’s gigantic self-esteem.

# 3. Wormholes Would Cause An Intergalactic Traffic Jam

The Theory:

You can’t travel through space-time faster than the speed of light, but with Krasnikov tubes, you don’t have to. Instead you take a tunnel through space and age, like one of those green pipes in Super Mario Bros . There’s an enter, an exit, and you trip very, very fast between them, because it pieces out that pesky “distance” factor.

“My God. It’s full of coins.”

The wormhole isn’t a physical object but a deformation of space-time. Instead of building a entrance, we’re bully space-time itself by grabbing the fabric of world and wedgie-ing it right up its own asshole. So instead of traveling from one rim of its underwear to the other, we’re bunching up that textile until the two sides touch each other. Then simply stepping across.

By itself this isn’t so much season excursion as it is a spatial shortcut. But the admissions to these tubings can experience all the velocity and mass dilation mentioned in the last two introductions. So get Chad to run 10,000 light years away with his carry, loop around a black hole while he’s at it, and his extremity of the tube will suffer era dilation. Now your enter is connected to the faraway future, and you eventually have that douchebag Chad at a acceptable distance from you.

If an intergalactic conflict breaks out, we know who to accuse .

If we’re going to stretch space-time like a rubber expanse, we were able to as well be able to bounce backward and forward. We do this by getting Chad to take another wormhole all the lane back. Now we’ve theoretically got a two-way commute between past and future. This isn’t only bending space-time; it’s twisting it like a bag animal and realizing it dance for us.

The Weird Effect:

If you want to see how a fixed wormhole are now working, play EVE Online . A video game where people are going through barriers in space, and every entrance is surrounded by camping dickheads just waiting for the first martyr to hold still long enough to explosion into stealable clods. Formerly you’ve got a wormhole from the future, the entirety of the current will be standing around the entryway ready to sap anything stupid enough to pace through and steal all their cavity shit.

Joke’s on you. I licked all of my trash .

Even if you take out the notion of widespread room raiders, you still have to deal with the fact that every traveler who wants to visit that specific point in time is using the same gateway. Every capable life organize, human or not, from all the points in time between when the wormhole became active until the cold death of the universe, would use that depart stage as their crossroads. It’s the eventual impediment, a cosmic clusterfuck, gridlock on a galactic scale.

# 2. Faster-Than-Light Travel Makes You A God

The Theory:

Traveling faster than light is the technical equivalent of jousting a leprechaun with your unicorn’s cornet. It’s not very likely, but if you do manage to do it, you still can’t because that’s not a thing, and you’re stupid for thinking that it is.

One proposal for outstripping the light speed restraint is the Alcubierre drive, which would work by tilting space-time like a pinball counter. Theoretically, you are able to channel-surf through the universe by expanding space behind you while contracting it in front of you. You’d basically be editing yourself across hour and seat. It even fulfils the equations of general relativity. All we need is some negative mass, which announces ludicrous, but so did a lot of the gizmoes in your pocket not so long ago.


One slight trouble is how the space-crushing drive would pancake any spaceships it hovered through. And it could unleash a disastrous explosion of energetic molecules upon its destination, so that any arrival of humans on a remote world-wide would instantly destroy “peoples lives”. We know science-fiction lessons are typically somewhat flagrant, but that’s kind of a dick move.

The Weird Effect:

If you are able to advance faster than light, there are all kinds of manoeuvres for going into the past. The difficulty is what happens if anyone gets there. It’s being told that changing history establishes an alternate timeline that diverges off of the original, giving birth to an entirely new universe. This isn’t anything we haven’t considered to be in countless movies and TV indicates. But rather than debate about what the fuck is or wouldn’t happen with a technology that doesn’t yet exist( and likely never will ), you have to remember that the peoples of the territories traveling along those timelines are humen. And that is a problem.

And that’s when the term “time douche” was devised .

Jumping from one actuality to the next sets up a funny scenario in which the traveler would start considering those brand-new timelines as something that they personally owned. It would be like physically stepping into a game of Grand Theft Auto and opening fire on absolutely everything, because why not? Those parties aren’t real. They simply exist because I turned on the game and clicked the “start” button. Fuck them.

Factor in fundamental human flaws like desire and hunger for capability, and it’s pretty easy to realise a network of experience travellers who fuck up one world, then startle ship for a new one. Repeat the process until they get their hoped upshot. And all of those other timelines that they left igniting in their wake? Who attends. Those weren’t real in the first place. Those timelines dwelt only because the traveler developed them.

# 1. The Tipler Cylinder Would Spew Out Infinite Time Travelers

The Theory:

It’s probably becoming clear that general relativity is mega-mind Minecraft . Albert Einstein developed something to represent reality and then physicists started playing with it and shout, “Woohoo, “whats being” I improve with this? ” Frank Tipler constructed the first thing we all build in Minecraft : a tower as tall as is practicable. In relativity that tower is infinite, and it turns out to be a occasion machine.

There is no short, layman’s explanation of how Tipler’s cylinder works. But if I had to boil it down to something that’s at the least semi-understandable, “it wouldve been”: monstrous tubey spinny act that twists space-time into a maelstrom. Formerly that bitch get croaking, you jump head-first into it and go back in time.

There’d better not be any pis in there .

The Weird Effect:

So let’s say that we figure out a path to make this monster. Right off the at-bat, we have the most stupendous, most obviously marked feature in of all actuality. It’s infinitely long, recollect, so even civilizations “thats been” undiscovered when you improve it will ultimately notice and come for a ogle. It becomes a beacon for any intelligent life from all the regions of the entirety of the universe. It is space’s form of Lex Steele’s dong.

It’s too a cosmic one-way sign to the past( Tipler cylinders can only go backwards ). It’s an inconceivably vast pour from the future to right now, because one thing every time traveler will try is going back as far as they can. And the earliest they can go is to when you composed the Tipler cylinder. And right there is the problem. The second you smack the “ON” switch, you exactly transformed that occasion into a plot sprinkler that kills out each time traveler who dwells or ever will exist for the rest of the universe’s lifespan.

“That had better be your finger.”

This wouldn’t just morass your timeline — it would outright overwrite it. This isn’t like the Stargate, which can be controlled at one point. They can come out anywhere along the cylinder, and so you’ve got an infinite off-ramp from the entire future. And just like that, you’ve soddened your entire reality with time-traveling assholes.

We’re not exactly physicists, but in Back To The Future, shouldn’t Marty have disappeared from macrocosm instantaneously, instead of fading in and out like an age-old Polaroid? Let’s break this down in The 5 Most Foolish Repercussions Of Time Travel In Movies. Do you require the superpower of age tour? Step 1 is to get taller. Find out why in 7 Belief On Period That Would Make Doc Brown’s Head Explode .

Are in favour of our YouTube canal to insure what Back To The Future could be like in The Horrifying Deleted Timeline From ‘Back To The Future, ‘ and watch other videos you won’t determine on the locate !

Like it.? Share it:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.